New Jersey 34, or More Fairy Tales

A.B. asks:

Is there drama in house ever?
How did you and Jo get together?
Who has children and where did they come from?
What are your weekly meetings like?
What are the challenges of living together?
What are the religious persuasions of the members of your community?


Easy questions first - of course there's drama in the house! Sometimes it's ridiculous drama, like Arlene-hates-dishes drama, and Cindy's obsessive cleaning rampages drama, and your-thesis-is-getting-in-the-way-of-my-dinner drama. Sometimes it's more serious. After Jo's father died, two years ago she dropped out of the world for awhile. She spent hours and hours chopping wood, and disappearing into the woods. She started drinking more heavily too, which is when the real drama started. I had various meetings with different neighbors, trying to figure out what to do about it. Eventually, there was an intervention, and Jo agreed to go to counseling and quit drinking for awhile. But it took awhile to get there - at least a few months - and everyone was talking about it, trying to figure out what to do.

And sometimes there's ego drama, and communication drama, and the general pettiness of day-to-day life. Everyone's got a list of the neighborhood rules somewhere in their house, which keeps a lot of the stupid things at bay. The rules are simple, basic, and hard-and-fast: Act with permission and consent of owner (of house, of yard, of tools, of body). Respect each others' voices. Say what you need. Respect your neighbors' needs, and work to meet them. Everything else is negotiable.

Religion: well, there's Jews, agnostics, Unitarian Universalists, pagans, Catholics, Muslims and atheists. One good thing about being out in the middle of semi-nowhere is that we've all been called upon (at one time or another) to act in community with one another religiously. When Jo's dad died, we had a minyan every night - nevermind that only 4 of us were actually Jewish (me, Jo, Rebecca and Henry). Same for Eli's bris (though the circumcision debate beforehand was something to behold). We've all taken part in solstice and equinox rituals led by Diana and Thunder, and and Esperanza sometimes asks people to come over for Mass. Just so she can have it, and not feel alone. We've even been called to Maria's particular brand of atheism, which involves meditation and campfires.

There are 7 children, 3 of which have been born since the neighborhood was founded. Esme's daughter Carmen (8), was born just barely three months after we'd all moved in. Michel and Travis fought long and hard for adoption rights (a mixed-race, agnostic/Muslim gay couple has a tough time, even in Massachusetts in the future!), and got Ella (6) two years later. And Henry and Rebecca's younger child, Eli (4) was born right here. I mean literally, here. Maria delivered Eli in our living room in front of the fireplace during a horrible thunderstorm. Good thing she was their midwife anyway.

The other four were born before the neighborhood was formed - Rachel's daughter Maia (11), Rebecca and Henry's other child, Sara (9), Eirik's son Nathan (9), and Diana and Thunder's kid, Scout (10), who doesn't quite have a gender, because ze hasn't chosen one yet.

Weekly meetings are part horrible, part wonderful. The wonderful part is the food, always, especially in summer when the days are long and the tomatoes are plentiful. The other wonderful part is seeing everyone gathered around the table, and listening to the kids check in about the week's projects. Everything else is, well...it's a house meeting. You know what that's like. Debates about community funding and how it should be spent and who-stole-my-hammer and let's-talk-about-last-time-I-think-there-was-some-sexist-stuff-going-down and whatnot.

The important part is that we keep going. Knowing that some weeks are going to be awful like that, but the neighborhood is important, we are important to one another, and pointing out the rules when things get tense. Respect each others voices. Help your neighbors get their needs met. There is no reason any of us should be hungry or cold. That's why we're here.

As for the story of me and Jo...that's a longer entry. For later. If you're really good.